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My Evil Twin: Slowly picking me apart: A letter to Mama blog Layouts

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Tuesday, November 07, 2006

A letter to Mama

What is there to say?

Do you believe in signs? Do you believe in love? Do you believe that there is that one person out there for every single one of us and that the secret of eternal life lies in finding that person who effortlessly, just for simply being, brings out the best in you and helps you fulfill the reason for your existence?

Could life be more than just growing up, having a dream job, a socio- religious orientation ( whatever it is), a practical partner, a stable routine, a secure income and a family that you try ever so hard to “raise” on a single minded set of values?

Sounds to me that “life” can’t get any better that but can’t it really?

What keeps all these ingredients in the bowl? What stirs them constantly through change and fluctuating temperature to forever keep the mix smooth and interesting?

What is the invisible hand? Respect? For what? For the person’s wealth? Power? history? Country? mind? Honesty? Devotion?

You can respect someone, admire them and never want to hurt them, but you can’t stop your other emotions from wandering to where they feel understood, appreciated and encouraged , I for one have been living up to EVERYONE’S expectations, even those people I meet on the street on my way home on Monday.

I hate how love, real love, deep love is being taken for granted today. What you see happening between two young immature and not yet even fully physically developed teenagers is not love. So let me call what I am talking about something else, let’s call it…Bliss.

Have you ever been in bliss?

You’ll never know till you are they say, and well I think that when it happens any mad worldly woman’s heart shall be tamed.

Utter mental, emotional and physical peace and contentment. Ironically obtained from the presence of someone else yet astonishingly deeply personal to you in too many ways. Love is not routine.

When two individuals, intellectuals, cultured, spiritual, attractive, modest, considerate, sensitive, tolerant, respectful meet because of everything else than why two people meet today , the world as they knew it changes. They change, their priorities change everything pure and selfless takes center stage.

Fame, fortune and practicality doesn’t matter anymore and all that does is just being together. From different worlds but from one, from different backgrounds but only to complete each

other, from different walks of life but only to show eachother what life was meant to be..They know no jealousy, no past, no resentment for anything in the other’s life. All they see is a reason for all that has gone and was done , a direction for where the heavens meant for them to contemplate..

Have you ever been in bliss?

It has been said that you can not please everyone in this world, but it also has been said that that when God is pleased of you.. then the world has no choice but to love you too.

Yes the path is hard. But nothing of worth is easily obtained. And to know the truth means to be a rejected prophet sent to a world that has been set on its fathers ways.

Bliss is my blood line is a mystery. Lived by my parents but shrouded in doubt and hardened by gold.

Money is the root of all Evil. The flame needs fuel to survive. For what is joy but sorrow unmasked and ignorance…. Ignorance and expectations blind the eyes from seeing how good what we have is.

If they only knew how other girls were, good girls. Women, families, problems, silly choices and lifestyles.

When will I be able to live my life the way I want to without being judged and condemned? When will I be allowed without the torturing guilt of my parents disapproval to pursue my happiness?

When will I plan my life without my mothers blue prints?

When will she love me for who I am and understand that the times and the socio-psycho-spiritual me are just different. Different because She is my mother and she chose her life and I am the product of that choice and I too want to find middle grounds.

Nobody is perfect. And there is a reason for everything. Things are not always what they seem and we learn. We learn because we have to, so that we may be sure of our decisions in the future . One mans poison is another mans wine. My questions have been answered and I am now a better person because of what to my mother’s poison.. doesn’t it comfort her that I’m immune now?

Sometimes what’s beyond takes charge of your life. And when it does, be greatful, be thankful.. for you are favored.. favored enough to be shown what is good for you, because you have tried and you have thought and you have searched. Life is a journey…

Travel it well. Seek and learn. And when you find what your heart longs for… listen to it and ignore your mind. Your mind is a dangerous thing. Life is about existing to live and not living to exist .

I need my mother but she’s at a distance.

Why is it that when I need her most, when I’m happiest the most, excited the most and sure, for the first time in my entire 25 years of existence sure of something.

She isn’t?

Give me strength.

I love you mama, please feel me, I need you.


Anonymous Farhan said...

Very Well said... gurl... i agree with you... i missed ur posts so much... where were you ? long time.. keep writing coz i love reading your posts

8:21 AM  
Blogger IonFluxh said...

i hope your mom replies.

6:16 AM  
Blogger IonFluxh said...

i think you explained yourself well in the letter

6:17 AM  
Blogger Trevelyana said...

Good to have you back Banana

8:48 PM  
Blogger Arabiana Banana said...

thanks farhan , ionfluxh and trevelyana.. yeah ive been away and im not happy im back believe me. :)

but im happy to see you guys again take care and believe me more shit is comming at the rate things are going

5:07 AM  
Blogger IonFluxh said...

"The notion that a radical is one who hates his country is naive and usually idiotic. He is, more likely, one who likes his country more than the rest of us, and is thus more disturbed than the rest of us when he sees it debauched. He is not a bad citizen turning to crime; he is a good citizen driven to despair." ~ HL Mencken

8:44 AM  
Blogger Mystique said...

I've been worried about you.
I hope all is fine on your side. Do e-mail me if you want to.
Your thoughts in that letter are deep and part of self-realization.. Welcome to the club!


11:04 AM  
Blogger Arabiana Banana said...

hey misteeeek :)
emailed u i have done :)
I'm back , gonna clean up my act and be part of the world again now..

hmmmm wonder what's in ur secret new blog ;)

11:38 PM  

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